The ugly truth

Today,  I should be in the hospital getting ready for the transplant.  But I'm not.  I'm at home.  Trying to figure out how to say this.  I could lie.  And that would be easier.  Not really.....

OK, OK.  Just spit it out.  How many of you have ever had a zit?  How many of you have ever had a zit on your butt?  Well...a zit on your butt can be a pain...a real pain...a big pain...and it can stop a transplant.  There...I said it.  I got a zit on my butt, and since any kind of little infection can be the worst of all possible things in the land of no immune system, my transplant has been postponed for about 2 weeks.  And now I'm at home, getting IV's of antibiotics twice a day to make the bad zit go away, and I go back in on the 1st of October for the big transplant.  All cause of a zit.  Zit.

How stupid does this sound?  

I was ready...my head in the game.  

Put me in coach.

The zit froze the kicker.

That's football talk.  

That's what's up.

That's all.

That'zit.

For Real Really

Once again, it has been acres since I've updated, but here I am.

It's my last day in the hospital after 4 days of chemo.  I got word last night that the transplant date has been set.

     I go in on Sept 18 for 5 days of chemo to "create space".

     Sept 23-----Transplant.

Joy and fear.  Now it's real.

The transplant itself can so smoothly, and there are likely bumps.  And the bumps can be big.  But it can also go smoothly.  I won't bore you with all the details, but this is an allogeneic transplant...meaning using a donor.  I'm sure Google would be the place to poke around for details.  But the bumps include host vs. graft disease, infections...those sorts of things...my new immune system potentially attacking me as foreign weirdness.  The good news is that with this kind of transplant, there's a 50% chance this goat-ass cancer can be cured.  And that's the trade off.  Danger in the transplant...possible cure.  If they used my own stem cells, there's really no chance of curing this, since my own immune system has seen this cancer, but doesn't seem able to kill it.

'Das it.  Home today.  Start working on a documentary film (based on a book called "Cowboy Ethics...What Wall Street Can Learn from the Code of the West").  Hopefully I'll get music recorded by the time I come back for the transplant.  Oh yeah, and do my taxes.  Can't forget that!  And visit with friends.  And cook.  And eat.  And have lots of tests in the hospital.  And cook.  And eat.  And visit with friends.  And write music.  'Cause once I have this transplant...

"Times, they are a changin'"....

love, love, love.......

Transplant action

In the middle of throwing together a pasta sauce made with heirloom tomatoes and grilled chicken came a phone call from the transplant guru at University Hospital.   And here's the poop.

The plan is that in 2 weeks I'll have another round of liquid love from the chemo folks.  Then, three weeks after that, roughly the 8th or so of September, I'll go in for the stem cell transplant.  Holy Crap!

Yesterday, the third potential donor came up just short of perfect (as a match that is), so we'll be using a guy, in his mid to late 40's, who lives...somewhere.  The other perfect match was a woman of a similar age.  But since she had had a baby, it made her less desirable as a donor.  All factors are factors.

So now the bone marrow registry folks get in touch with the preferred donor, let him know what time frame we're hoping for, and see whether this guy will be in Pago Pago for three months, or if he's available now-ish.  From wherever he is, his stem cells get coaxed out of his body, and sent to us, and into me.  Wow.

So as I sit here recovering from chemo, there appears to be the makings of  a plan.  Not without fears.  Not without risks.  But soon a plan will be afoot.

It is all good.

But I'd still rather make pasta.

And eat it.

And vanilla ice cream with fresh plum sauce.

Am I fixated?

Perfect

OK.  It has been quite some time.  So let's start from right now, and work backward.

This past Friday I got word...great word...that the hospital has found me a stem cell donor!  Two donors actually.  Two people showed up as perfect matches!  I just sat here at home and blubbered and heaved like a six year old.  To say it was a relief  just doesn't get at it.  So starting today (Monday, 7/27), the transplant team will look at the potential donors,  decide which will be the best, and come up with a plan.  Hopefully, this means that when I'm deemed "in remission", the transplant can happen...which might be very soon.  But I'm quite sure that this will all shorten the chemo journey and get me on the road.

And all this was happening while I was conducting "Chitty" here at the Buell Theater in Denver.  Now I  don't want to sound too woo woo, but the week doing shows was as soulful, healing and energizing a time as I could have imagined.  So much love from the cast and crew.  So much support.  Just to be in the energetic field of 30 singers, an orchestra and thousands of people in the audience...that's what healing and reclaimation is about.   Really, I'm a lucky guy.  Really lucky.  It was a fucking riot!!

All this was because my docs set my chemo schedule to allow me to feel good after this last round, and give me a chance to conduct my show.  And just before doing the show, Carol and I went up to Steamboat Springs to visit our friend Amie Knox and Jim Kelly.  We spend a couple of days at their ranch, wandered around with Maggie the Dog,  did some time in a canoe, slept to the sound of the Elk River, and just generally spent time in the sun and fresh air.  And this was all after a few days throwing compost, gardening and planting in the front of our house (told you I was working this story backwards...).   

So please know that this chemo-mook is doing really, really well.  Things are perfect, really.  I'm gaining weight, eating everything in sight, did the gardening, went to Steamboat, did a week of shows and have a transplant donor.  I mean...what more could I want right now?

And Aaron is here for the week.  

All's well.

True Blood

Friday morning

Pandora is saving my life...listening to Debussy, Faure, Albeniz, Mompeau, Satie...

I can't deal with TV...too much... to much weird energy.

My last bag of chemo will be hung in a few minutes, and then I'll get a transfusion... true blood, and not the Japanese vamp food in handy six packs.....

This round of chemo is not nearly the hammer that the last round was.  I generally feel good, even a bit wound up because of the steroids that compliment the chemo, so sometimes it's hard to relax and fall asleep.  I've also discovered that exercise is a big help, especially when feeling a bit on the low energy side...fight the fatigue.   I use those big exercise bands, especially for upper body work, and there's a stationary bike that faces a window to the east of the hospital.  Great for evening lightning watches.  I did 25 minutes last night.  Felt great.

"The Elegance of the Hedgehog".  If you need a good book.  Finished it yesterday.  Beauty, art, and being your authentic self.  I loved this book.  The first 50 or so pages left me wondering if it was the most pretentious book I'd ever read, but after that, look out, the story turns, and the reason for reading is glorious.  The writing, sublime.

Quiet

Checked into the hospital yesterday.

Chemo overnight.

Chemo today.

Listening to the i-pod.

Reading "The Elegance of the Hedgehog"

I feel good.

I feel quiet.

I feel centered in the experience.

I feel hungry.

My Chef Salad just arrived.

I'm gonna eat, and then wait for that milk shake from DQ to arrive.  Gotta be centered in my milkshake.  Priorities.

Sheep Shearing Day in Denver

Yup...I've got big ears.

Really big.

Never knew that.

Champagne helps

Always does.

But how do the sheep feel?

They don't get champagne.